Student of the Strange

Holy Shit this blog is still here

2009-07-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything here in ages, I aim to fix that. Expect nonsense and really not much else. We'll see what happens.

Hookerthon 2008 Begins now AKA GTA IV is in the house

2008-04-30T21:42:00.001-07:00

Well I finally picked up GTA IV along with some other much needed Xbox 360 goodies. A brand new headset to replace the one my cat destroyed and a years worth of LIVE GOLD, to enjoy hanging with my fellow virtual gangstas online.

Here comes Mom...hide the video games

2008-04-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

So my mother is visiting this week, which should if nothing else be interesting. We'll see what happens. GTA IV frenzy is at full swing and gamers are bitching about which version is better already. Personally I don't give a rats ass, while I don't have a PS3 yet -- I would still be getting on the Xbox 360. That's just where most of my online friends are, so that's where I do most of my gaming. It's refreshing to see that more and more devs are starting to get a bit more comfortable with the PS3 and games are actually looking better on the PS3 than 360. At least Ghostbusters is shaping up that way, I will admit though Mark seems to be gunning for a job at Sony with the way he's talking lol. I'm super excited for the new Ghostbusters game, I mean it's as close as we're going to get to a Ghostbusters 3 movie; thankfully everyone involved in the movies is involved with the game.

Go me!

2008-04-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

So I came across this video of classic Jaffe, it's good stuff and takes me back to the PSone days.

The real treat for myself, is when a friend of mine yesterday sent me an IM telling me dude, your on next-gen.biz! I at first thought, this bastard is again yanking my leg. It turns out he wasn't. I've been quoted on next-gen.biz's 100 games of the last 12 months feature. I was quoted for my Mass Effect review. It certainly is a sign that someone is noticing my hard work as well as the other writers at Deeko.com. It was just refreshing and just totally freaked me out. Hell I'm still freaking out about it. I never would have dreamed 4 years ago that something I wrote would ever be quoted, much less on next-gen.

Just Some Music

2008-04-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

I've been on a Nick Heyward kick as of late.

All the Lonely People

2008-04-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

Elenor Rigby has to be one of my all time favorite Beatles songs. Oddly enough the song has played an important part in my life in due to it's connections with three people. It's a song which speaks so much in the words it doesn't say, it's the feeling the song invokes that really gets me. I guess I'm just feeling a bit somber due to a good deal of drama floating around me as of late, and last night some of it landed right on my face. So today I'm just analyzing and digesting it, it's never easy to digest things that mean so much so...I suppose it's going to take a little bit of time.

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

- Unknown

2008-03-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

I know you're thinking what the hell is the deal with the frog. Well it's something funny and random I found, it made me laugh and somewhere inside my inner child was touched. So I've been dealing with some bad anxiety today, really bad. Actually have been for the two weeks, I just never tell anyone. Some of you may know or not know that I deal with anxiety disorder. It's a lovely emotional disorder which at times involves minor agoraphobia at least for me, and panic attacks. Panic attacks are basically a giant bully in your own head which constantly pounds the ever loving shit out of you with fear.

I like to call it my own personal pain in the ass in life. I've been dealing with devil on my shoulder for a little over 2 years, which I thought by now would have flown away and bugged someone else. Alas, the little bastard tends to have a love affair with me. It's a process that at days just wears me out, and others is bearable. Then there are the good days, the one where I kicks it's ass and make it cry mommy -- as it loves so much to do to me. Like a roller coaster there are my highs and lows, thankfully I have some friends who know the pain that I go through.

I guess what helps is that I've always been a very social person, hell I love to be around people. I will also talk to anyone, literally -- I'm not picky; I'll talk to a damn tree if it's the only thing around. Some people aren't so lucky and have social anxiety which at times I think would actually be worse.

Voltron: Defender of the Universe is MINE!

2008-03-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

Odds are some of you don't remember Voltron, but it was one of the first anime's to ever make it stateside in the 80's. Voltron was comprised of 5 kick ass robot lions, and I got an original one from the 80's TODAY! It was pure luck and chance. On one of my many walks I saw that someone was moving and threw out tons of crap, in that crap was a gem. That gems name is Voltron.

Love thy name is Too Human

2008-03-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

I love Silicon Knights, they are in my top 5 favorite game developers of all time. My love for them started with Legacy of Kain, which was just so over the top and well told it shocked me. It brought a level to of story to an action rpg that I had never seen before, hell still have to this day. Each every weapon in that game has 2-3 pages of story details just for a damn weapon. Then they just took it to another level with Eternal Darkness, which will go down as one of the best horror games ever made. So knowing all that I'm excited for Too Human. Norse mythology with Diablo like gameplay and beautiful graphics, it's as if someone said -- Here Michael, this is for you with love.

Some people love their Metal Gear Solids, me I'm all about the Diablo gameplay and Final Fantasy games.

Lady

2008-03-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

I've loved Modjo for years, at least 5 which is quite sometime. Sadly they never come out with new stuff, but their debut album was fantastic; if you like this kind of music that is. For some reason this video has always reminded me of some of the crazy times in High School, it's just so full of this air of innocence and fun. Not knowing what's next and just seeing what the hell happens. It's also romantic in a way - hard to explain but I think it is.

Lost Planet Colonies is calling my name

2008-03-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well Capcom finally revealed what the hell Lost Planet Colonies is, and it's the ultimate version of Lost Planet. Even out Losting the new PS3 version. Sad thing, or good thing -- depending on what system you own is it's a PC and 360 exclusive. Since I own a 360 that's a great thing, and even more so since it's gonna only be 30 bucks! I loved Lost Planet but never got to beat it due to my 360 kicking the bucket. Once I got a new one, I just wasn't feeling going through those insane boss battles again. But seeing as I know have an HDTV, I'd love to see the game again in all it's full 1080i glory.

Sleep Paralysis, or Demons

2008-03-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

Science now has an explanation for something, for something I've experienced from time to time. Known by many many names throughout history; including the "old hag" in Newfoundland (for an old witch thought to sit on the chest of the paralyzed sleeper), "kokma" in the West Indies (for a ghost baby who jumps on the sleeper's chest and attacks the throat), "kanashibari" in Japan and "gui ya" or ghost pressure in China (because a ghost is believed to sit on and assault the sleeper), as you can see it's been going on for ages and had many names based on different cultures.

Myself I've always thought it's demons and many other people do. I'm on the thinking that it's just sciences way of explaining something they still quite don't understand. I've always heard laughter and sometimes even speaking during my episodes and yes it's scary as hell. I decided to do a little research on the subject and wanted to share it here, who knows perhaps someone else will get something useful out of it.

Scientists believe that the syndrome is caused by a dysfunction in R.E.M. sleep. It's when your mind wakes up, usually still in a semi-REM state, but your body is still relaxed. Not much else is really known, but as I said stories of the what I feel is supernatural phenomena has been going on for ages. In a recent survey it is suggested that between 25-30% of the general population has suffered some form of Sleep Paralysis, with 95% of these experiencing a horrifying event. Yes, it does run in the family, if you have suffered an episode, chances are there's a member within your close family who has also experienced this; thing is don't want to talk about if fear of others thinking they've lost their mind.

The name of the phenomenon comes from the superstitious belief that a witch - or an old hag - sits or "rides" the chest of the victims, rendering them immobile. Although that explanation isn't taken very seriously nowadays, the perplexing and often very frightening nature of the phenomenon leads many people to believe that there are supernatural forces at work - ghosts or demons.

The experience is so damn frightening because the victims, although paralyzed, seem to have full use of their senses. In fact, it is often accompanied by strange smells, the sound of approaching footsteps, apparitions or weird shadows with glowing eyes. All of the body's senses are telling you that something real and very scary is happening to you. Some research shows that people who suffer from anxiety or anxiety disorders have a pre-disposition to these night terrors, personally I've had a couple of these through out my life. While I'd like to say I wasn't that much of a nervous kid, the truth is I was a jumpy bugger. So perhaps who knows why this happens.

One thing I do know is that I've always started praying when it happens, and at times I've heard voices and laughter. Which has led me to believe that there is more to this 'syndrome' or even then just something science can quickly dismiss. The stories of countless people that have suffered the event, almost all have the story of an evil presence in the room, growling, laughter and also voices. Countless people have also said that once praying or calling out to Jesus, that it goes away. I feel there has to be something there to it, I'm not quite sure but I still feel that science alone explains the tormenting visions and fear that many have faced at night.

Yea you Say

2008-03-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

Found this incredibly cool band, very 70's almost and I love it. Reminds me a bit of Yes, I mean it just makes ya feel nostalgic. Makes me miss the early 80's.

I also checked out that Sony BRAVIA I've been meaning to and yeah - DO NOT WANT. The contrast ratio sucked massive ass. So instead I picked up AVIA essentials and calibrated my HD set and wow, I've fallen in love with it all over again. Honestly I just love Samsung sets.

I've got that new TV Fever again: Sony Edition

2008-03-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

I have a perfectly wonderful Samsung CRT HDTV. It's a decent size, has tons of a features and has what is considered by some one of the best damn looking HD pictures...at least contrast wise. Sadly, I'm getting that new TV fever again and this time it's for a Sony BRAVIA. Perhaps the small bit of "Sony whore" in me is whats making me need a new TV. Some would say I have a lot of Sony whore in me, I beg to differ dammit, (grumble) as I've had a sordid love/hate relationship with Sony. I love my PSP, Diskman, and Home Theater system. I even loved the hell out of my PS2, but my fondness for the PS3 and it's antics are slim. Still those bastards are growing on me again with Blu-ray and Metal Gear Solid 4.

So yes I'm giving in and be getting a PS3 soon, I've known despite my bitching that it's always been a matter of WHEN I would purchase one, not if. I'm a consumer whore, that I'll admit 100%...and a little bit of a Sony whore/OCD freak who loves the idea of his electronics matching.

So will I get the BRAVIA? Not sure yet, but come on -- the hell am I kidding. I'll get the damn BRAVIA, as all things it's just a matter of time haha.

Dark Sector Interview Reminder

2008-03-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

Just a friendly reminder that Dark Sector comes out this month. We also have a developer interview over at Deeko. If you have any interest in the game then please check it out. Also if you're here from 1up, welcome! I hope you like my little blog here. Just a warning things are random and I'm also trying to spruce up the layout.

On the good news side, the NEW site design for Deeko at least in demo form should be up on Monday in "closed beta". As in not out for the world to see but for us to mull over and then tweak and see what works and doesn't. It's just nice to see that we're slowly moving towards that goal we've been working for.

Site Design in the Works

2008-03-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

No not this one, this is staying the way it is...I think at least. Talking about the site I co-own and work at. We think we found our CMS back end, which is a good thing. But then comes if all the plug-ins and community tools will work with it. I hope it does -- hope hope hope.

Have yet to sit down and start the DMC4 review, I think I will tonite while I watch CRANK. Just picked it up today, or maybe it will be another Harry Potter HD-DVD affair. Yes, I was one of the folks who bought an HD DVD player, at least the good thing is I didn't spend a lot of movies, and HD is HD. Soon I'll have my PS3 along with the Blu-ray player inside. Hell, I already bought a Blu-ray movie; Hellboy. Got it for $19.99, which was actually cheap considering the regular DVD is 17.99. I think I've rambled enough but it's nice to have a place to just spew again. I'll probably be bringing over some of my stuff from my once Live Journal account, I just have to pick and choose what I want to bring over.

Unbelievable Truth

2006-11-22T15:10:00.001-08:00

2005-11-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

A Story

So there was this boy and this girl, and they'd never met. They'd
never spoken to each other or even seen each other. But one day the
girl wrote a letter to the boy.

The boy was lying in bed one morning when the letter arrived. He heard
the postman, and he hoped it might be one of the songs he'd sent off
somewhere coming back with some good news. All that turned up though
was a letter from his friend from school, who'd gone off to
art-college in Washington. But the letter had another letter inside it, in
another envelope, and that was the letter from the girl.

And they began to write to each other a lot, the boy and the girl. And
for a long time one of them would get a letter everyday. They wrote
about everything; about themselves and about the world. And they wrote
their own world. And they lit the whole thing up.

And after a while they began to meet up in the world where other
people live. Quite nervously, and only about once a year. And they
would walk around just watching things; laughing at stuff that
happened. They didn't talk too much, they'd already said most of what
they had to say in letters, and they were shy. And at the end of those
rare days the would both go back to their own cities, and write about
how good their day had been, and say some of the things they hadn't
said at the time. And light the whole thing up.

And then life began to happen to them; their separate lives in their
separate cities. But although they wrote a little less often they
wrote still just as long, about their lives, and how the world was
coming into their world. And they kept going till they realized they'd
been writing for seven years. And because they had once written
themselves a beach, on which to dream themselves together, they
decided that to celebrate they'd have another one of their rare days,
and for it they would go to a beach. And in his last letter before
they went the boy wrote, "It'll be good, and if you want you can take
my bony hand along the shore."

And so they went, and they could talk a little bit more by then. They
could talk okay. And they spent some money in the arcade at one beach,
and at another beach they built a town out of sand and shells. And the
girl drew out a puzzle on the wet sand; a puzzle she'd been trying to
solve in a dream the night before. And they walked out and stood on
the edge of the sea there for a while, and when they turned around to
walk back to the road the boy said, "Do you want to take my hand?" and
the girl said, "Take it where?". And although he afterwards thought he
should have said, "Everywhere", he only just mumbled.

"My hand's very cold." the girl said as he took it. And as they walked
up the beach the boy said, "We only have to do this until we reach the
dry sand, then we can stop." And for a bit they walked in silence. And
although in more than a thousand letters they had talked of the stars,
and of rivers, and of love- and woven a hundred dreams, all they could
think of to talk about was a tree in a garden on the other side of the
road; how tall it was, and how out of place it looked. And when they
came to the dry sand they didn't let go of each other's hand, they
just walked on up the beach, still talking about the tree. And they
stepped over the fence and onto the pavement, falling quiet again. And
as they walked along the pavement they came to a pole, and walked one
on either side. And they let go their hands...then shortly after the
boy took the girls hand and never let go.

2005-10-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

2005-10-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

do not boast about tomorrow
for one never know's what it brings

be free of your love of money
and be content with what you have

for I have learned to be content
whatever the circumstances

the things I thought mattered the most
are the things that matter the least

the love of others and to give love to
others is the greatest gift of all

the past dose not dictate who you are
so let the past stay in the past
behind you

Sandman Quotes

2005-10-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

"I think I fell in love with her, a little bit. Isn't that dumb? But it was like I knew her. Like she was my oldest, dearest friend. The kind of person you can tell anything to, no matter how bad, and they'll still love you, because they know you. I wanted to go with her. I wanted her to notice me. And then she stopped walking. Under the moon, she stopped. And looked at us. She looked at me. Maybe she was trying to tell me something; I don't know. She probably didn't even know I was there. But I'll always love her. All my life."
Brant Tucker, in World's End.

"-You are mortal: it is the mortal way. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell.
You grieve. Then you continue with your life.
And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will
happen less and less as time goes on.
She is dead.
You are alive.
So live."
Dream to his son Orpheus, in Brief Lives

"-People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes." Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

2005-10-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

I always look for little bits of myself in everything you do.
Sometimes I think I see them.
Other times I think I'm being retardedly arrogant.
I always think someday it'll be obvious and I'll know, not think, but really know that it was true and real and I didn't dream it up. Because that's the one thing that I want. For it to be obvious to me. To have it in plain sight, even if it's hidden from everyone but me. A Secret code for I love you.

I had a dream about secrets last night.
Secrets define the eras.
We've therapied ourselves out of our ability to keep secrets. Some generations were nothing but kept secrets. Some acquired them and traded them like currency. Vile things, secrets. Worse than lies. Because secrets beget lies.
I wish I could be a mystery.
To someone other than me. I miss her mystery and the
joy of discovering it together, In fact most of all I miss her.
Last night I also dreamed of your future and the pains it caused me, and
how you fell so low. Still through it all I still cared, I still loved you. Isn't that crazy?

Your mistakes hurt me but it hurt more to remember the words we uttered so quietly to one another. The promises, the rules, the makings of our universes and the way you walked in the rain. You still walked in the rain. I still smiled, but not without a bit of sadness. It was ok, I never could hold a proper grudge...at least not with you. Perhaps that's the most magical thing of all or the most foolish, I'm still not sure. Not sure if I ever will be.

2005-10-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

2005-10-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

BOO

2005-10-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

2005-10-01T14:54:00.000-07:00

Didi

2005-10-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

2005-10-01T10:03:00.000-07:00