I always look for little bits of myself in everything you do.
Sometimes I think I see them.
Other times I think I'm being retardedly arrogant.
I always think someday it'll be obvious and I'll know, not think, but really know that it was true and real and I didn't dream it up. Because that's the one thing that I want. For it to be obvious to me. To have it in plain sight, even if it's hidden from everyone but me. A Secret code for I love you.

I had a dream about secrets last night.
Secrets define the eras.
We've therapied ourselves out of our ability to keep secrets. Some generations were nothing but kept secrets. Some acquired them and traded them like currency. Vile things, secrets. Worse than lies. Because secrets beget lies.
I wish I could be a mystery.
To someone other than me. I miss her mystery and the
joy of discovering it together, In fact most of all I miss her.
Last night I also dreamed of your future and the pains it caused me, and
how you fell so low. Still through it all I still cared, I still loved you. Isn't that crazy?

Your mistakes hurt me but it hurt more to remember the words we uttered so quietly to one another. The promises, the rules, the makings of our universes and the way you walked in the rain. You still walked in the rain. I still smiled, but not without a bit of sadness. It was ok, I never could hold a proper grudge...at least not with you. Perhaps that's the most magical thing of all or the most foolish, I'm still not sure. Not sure if I ever will be.